Mount Pilot College -- does it really exist?

Maybe it doesn't, but according to... waitaminute... "Howard Sprague"?

"I am sorry, Mr. Cash, but we are unable to accept your rap sheet in lieu of a high school transcript."

Dr. Howard Sprague Dean of Admissions Mount Pilot College [link]

Here's the thing. When we lived in Japan, I used to read Japan-related newsgroups, where Michael Cash was a frequent contributor. His signature had humorous quotes like the above, or this one:

"There was a time, Mr. Cash, when I believed you must be the most useless thing in the world. But that was before I read a Microsoft help file."

Prof. Ernest T. Bass
Mount Pilot College
[link]

I wondered about "Mount Pilot College" and I think I found the answer today, after googling "Ernest T. Bass" -- and after that quote from "Howard Sprague" I'm sure of it -- Andy Griffith! Well, let me put up a few more quotes. I have to say that Mr. Cash's quotes have brightened many a day for me. Here's another:

"Having your company forced upon me, Mr. Cash, is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. But not by much, I assure you."

Prof. Ernest T. Bass Mount Pilot College

"You were robbed, Mr. Cash, of your rightful place in American history. Why, with the benefit of hindsight, it is obvious to anyone that yours would have made a much better test case than Roe v. Wade." [link]

And:

"Clowns to the left of me and jokers to the right, Mr. Cash. Clowns and jokers."

Prof. Ernest T. Bass
Mount Pilot College
[link]

And:

"If the enjoyment of life were a Coca-Cola, Mr. Cash, your existence would be the ant poison in mine."

Prof. Ernest T. Bass
Mount Pilot College

These quotes (except the last, which I got from...?) can be found from a search for "Mount Pilot College."

Update: more Michael Cash quotes ...

...appear in google groups.