Some Words on Anxiety

I have been thinking lately about anxiety. You know what the Apostle Paul said about anxiety, right?

And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure upon me of my anxiety for all the churches. Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant?

2 Corinthians 11:28–29 (RSV)

That’s right; he felt the pressure, just like you do. You want people to choose love and faith and generosity, rather than indifference and fear and envy. You long to see Christ formed in them. And in these pandemic times, you can’t see them in person to encourage them, or hold their hands while you pray for them. Paul knew about that, too.

Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith. Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus clear the way for us to come to you. May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you.

1 Thessalonians 3:10–12 (NIV 1984)

Is anxiety good then?

Well, it’s not really recommended. Another famous writing of Paul tells us not to worry about anything, but to pray about everything (Philippians 4:6–7). And the Lord Jesus himself told us,

So do not worry, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:31–33 (NIV 1984)

I’ll add a pastoral word here: Paul the Apostle himself was at times beset by anxiety, so he is not scolding us, wagging a finger as he lectures us about worry. Neither is the Lord Jesus assuming a punitive posture in this extract from the Sermon on the Mount. Rather, his attitude is more like this father, coaxing his child to take a first step:

This is the same Jesus who said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28–30)

That invitation from our Lord is intended for everyone who is weary and burdened, for those “in ministry” and for those who don’t think of themselves that way. In other words, it’s for you and me.

So let us come to him, let us take another step to him. That, more than any of our accomplishments or possessions, is what pleases him, and what brings us life and peace.

I’m blind! Well, I was, anyway

In case you missed it, Matthew Dutton-Gillet, formerly rector at Trinity Menlo Park (California) was caught misappropriating church funds for personal use, at least $125,000 taken over the past five years. I was very disappointed to learn of this news, but beyond that, I was surprised to note that the idea of jail time for Matthew had not occurred to me until some weeks afterward.

That was a blind spot for me. Matthew committed a crime, maybe more than one, and he admitted this. How did it escape me that this is a criminal case? I’m far from the only one; there are Trinity members who to this day say that the police should not have been informed. I suppose that because we like and respect Matthew, we don’t want to think he’s also a criminal.

Speaking of “cognitive dissonance”…

Last November, we learned that MPPC’s senior pastor, John Ortberg Jr., was put on personal leave because of an error in judgment regarding a certain volunteer. (In case you missed it, here’s a timeline.) Some things about the whole story were puzzling (why did that volunteer confide in Daniel Lavery, formerly Mallory Ortberg?), but because I like and respect John, I don’t like to think of him as recklessly endangering children. I didn’t want to think about it; I wanted all to be well. MPPC’s communications folks were ready to help me with that.

As you can see, I have blind spots galore. When it was revealed earlier this month that the volunteer was John’s younger son, John III, some scales fell off even my eyes. One puzzling question was shockingly answered, and yes, it now seems to me astoundingly reckless to allow John III to be alone with children to whom he felt sexually attracted.

In the week or so since I started writing this, I have seen a wide variety of responses from people I know personally at MPPC. Apparently I am not alone in my disorientation. As Jeremiah famously wrote, “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure; who can know it?” It is difficult—for me anyway—to discern the severity and gravity of mistakes made by people we respect or admire. I now have a new understanding of how deeply and severely I at least can deceive myself.

Thus I am so very glad that the Lord Jesus Christ promised that the Spirit of Truth would guide us into all truth. How much I need to pay attention to that Spirit in these days!

I miss Matthew, too

Today was the first Sunday at Trinity with neither Aaron Klinefelter nor Matthew Dutton-Gillet on staff. In case you missed it, Matthew is on administrative leave for misappropriating church funds for personal use. Aaron, his assistant, had been officiating since then, but he left us to become rector (not assistant) at St. Jude's Episcopal in Cupertino.

It has been some weeks (I guess it's been two months at this point) since we've seen or heard from Matthew. That wasn't his choice; contact with the congregation is forbidden by the diocese during the "Title IV process." This morning's service was officiated by Tom Traylor. We respect, like, and appreciate Tom, but he's not Aaron, and he's not Matthew.

I've been missing Matthew for some time now. Part of it of course is that I'm also missing the whole experience of meeting together in person on campus. But I miss Matthew's smile, his wise, compassionate words, his warm greeting and pastoral care.

Why did he have to siphon off $2000 a month of church funds for the past five years? Why did he have to go and disqualify himself for the ministry he obviously felt called to and took such joy in? I wish he hadn't done that to us, to himself and his family, to Aaron and his family... There's a temptation to think, "What kind of hypocrite could preach those sermons while taking $500/week from the church treasury for the past five years?" or "We thought he was this wise and compassionate and godly man, but it turns out he's a criminal."

But of course that's an overly simplistic view of humanity. David, the "man after God's own heart," committed adultery and murder. How many of the rest of us, given access to a vast supply of funds and a lack of financial controls, might have taken similar actions? We humans are so complicated. And we'll probably never know what really happened.

I believe Matthew is a wise, compassionate man, but he's also a criminal. How different am I? I'm probably not as wise or compassionate, and I'm no less a sinner; my faults are no less than his, as far as I know. Do I have envy, anger, selfishness, self-pity, pride, impatience? (Does a bear shit in the woods? I guess you can add crudity to the list.) So far my flaws have not gotten me in legal trouble.

So yeah, I'm grieving. I'm glad that the Bible is full of flawed-but-still-inspiring people, saints who weren't perfect but sought to follow God—so that when we see each other's faults, we might grieve with understanding and compassion, rather than condemning with outrage.

A sermon we'll never hear at MPPC

I picked up the lovely Carol in Los Angeles; she’d attended a conference on the USC campus. We looked at a list of nearby congregations and selected Abundant Life, a mile or two away. Little did we know what awaited us.

I couldn’t see any on-street parking, but the church’s parking lot was nearly empty. An attendant told us to park anywhere. When we walked into the building, we were greeted warmly and asked whom we were visiting.

“We found you on the website,” I said. Our greeter recovered quickly and indicated the sanctuary. We sat near the back, but someone urged us to move a few rows forward, which was fine.

I'll skip over the music (it was great) and the affirmation of faith (I affirmed it with a clear conscience), because I want to tell you about the sermon, which was on the theme of “Staying alive.” It's really important to remember that Jesus died for us to demonstrate his love for us, the preacher said. One consequence is that I don't need to prove my devotion to God by having a death wish. The first Scripture was from Matthew 5:

“Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison…

Matthew 5:25 (NIV)

“Point number one,” the preacher said: “Avoid the system. Avoid the system. Don’t give the system an excuse to pull you in. Fix that taillight. Stop drinking and driving. Stop driving with a suspended license.” Because the system can throw you into prison. The system can literally kill you.

To overcome injustice, the preacher said, we need to pray hard enough, and work hard enough, and vote strong enough to bring about changes. But you can't vote if you're dead!

The sermon was addressed to people of color, which most of the congregation were. There might have been three white people (including the lovely Carol) in the room, and one east Asian (me). All of us were aware that the system isn't as fair or color-blind as we would like it to be. But this was probably the first time that I felt keenly my privileged status among my oppressed brothers and sisters. Rodney King was beaten by L.A. police officers just a few blocks from where we were sitting.

The preacher described having a gun held to his head and being ordered to lie down on his face on the wet floor of a car-wash. He had a suit on, and a clerical collar, and as he lay there, hands zip-tied behind his back, he was yelling at a young hot-head, the son of a parishioner, to “Just chill!” because whatever he wanted wasn't worth dying for; policemen in riot gear were ready to kill that young man.

Thank the Lord, everybody survived that day. But this is a broken world, and not all incidents end peacefully like that.

The preacher went on to talk about how we need to submit to institutions, because God (a God of order, not disorder) ordained these institutions. Which is not to say, he added, that everybody in a position of power actually needs to be there! We need to submit anyway.

He also described what it means to submit: the Greek word being ὑποτάσσω (hoo-poh-tahs-soh) which means to “come up under.” He pointed out a parishioner who was about to join the Marines; he's going to learn about submission big-time. This doesn't mean that his superiors in the Marines are perfect or always right, but he has to be under them.

It's important sometimes, he said, to submit to your boss at work; to keep that job, even though your boss isn't perfect and may not always be right or treat you right. Sometimes, you need to just. Shut. Up.

Red or yellow, black or white (and I might add, young or old), some of us need to hear that, to remember it and take it to heart.

Well, I don't want to recap the entire sermon, but I did want to share the experience with you. I was very glad we went, happy to have fellowship with brothers and sisters whose lives are very different from mine.

When We Can't All Agree

Do you sometimes hear people say, "The Bible is clear on ________" and think, Clear to you, maybe; it's not quite clear to me?

Some issues, what I think are "essentials," really are clear: God created the world; Jesus commanded us to love each other; Jesus never sinned; he died for us.

But Christians who take the Bible seriously can disagree on other issues, particularly on certain "hot topics." On such topics, where sincere biblical Christians may in good conscience disagree, I find Greg Boyd's attitude and example tremendously helpful:

I can fully appreciate and understand how someone for exegetical reasons comes to the conclusion that Calvinism is true… I don't agree with that but I really understand how you can get to that position exegetically.

"Greg on the Open View: Video One"
recorded in 2008 at Azusa Pacific University (video link)

That view, of being able to appreciate and understand how someone can study the Bible and come to a different conclusion than I currently do, is a terrific example for me as I consider some "non-essential" issues.

With that background, let me outline four possible positions regarding an issue which is no longer controversial today, though it was at one time. Ready?

1. The only reasonable position is that it's absolutely OK.
2. I think the Bible permits it, but I understand others may disagree.
3. I don't think the Bible allows it, but I understand others may disagree.
4. The only reasonable position is that it's absolutely forbidden.

Oh, the issue I had in mind was slavery. On that issue I think I find myself at #4, though the viewpoints of 19th-century American Christians—even white American Christians—probably spanned the spectrum. American Christians moved over time away from #1 and toward #4 on slavery.

How about... can women be ordained as elders and pastors? There I think early 20th-century American evangelicals may have been mainly in the #3 and #4 camps, but over time more of us fall into #1 or #2 (though not all of us - click here for example). There we moved overall away from #4 and toward #1, but not all of us. Keller is a #3 on this issue but the PCUSA's position is #1 (link).

There are at least two hot-button non-essential issues in the American church today, which I need not mention here. But on these issues I think #2s and #3s can get along with each other. #1s don't seem to want to tolerate #3s, and #4s don't seem to want to tolerate #2s.

This model, with #1–4, is not original with me, but the originator didn't want to be quoted (I'll update this if they change their mind). I find these categories helpful as I think about these issues, and about others' positions on them.