User: When I try to access this file, I get "Unsupported protocol"
Mordac: Let me see... what host are you on? A-HA! You're not on an IT-conforming box. Try one of the "cycle" servers.
User: OK... <typing noise>... Now I get "No such file or directory."
Mordac: Problem solved! I'll close the ticket now.
User: ...?
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