Growth hurts

For most of my life, I have avoided confrontation. Rather than confront burglars in the house, isn't it better to lock the door? Of course, not all confrontations are quite so clear-cut. The burglar knows he's doing something wrong, or if he doesn't, he at least knows he could be caught by the police or by an unexpected homeowner.

I don't like telling people they're doing something wrong; I'd rather they pay attention and not mess things up in the first place. On the other hand, when I mess things up, and if I'm liable to keep doing so, I want my friends and family to tell me.

So why am I afraid to tell people stuff -- the kind of stuff I wish they'd tell me when I need it? Probably it's for the same reason people are afraid to tell me; they're afraid I won't take it well, that I'll give them a bunch of guff. And of course sometimes they're right, although I hope I do that less often, now that I'm less young and less foolish than I used to be.

I have two things to think about now:

1. I need to
   • be willing to accept corrective feedback, and
   • invite people to give me that corrective feedback
2. I need to offer such feedback appropriately

Which reminds me of Ezra 7:10, which says:

For Ezra had devoted himself to the study and observance of the Law of the Lord, and to teaching its decrees and laws in Israel.

My tendency has been to do a little of the first, and less of the second.

Well, what's the problem with that, anyway? It's not that I won't get to heaven; rather, it's that I won't grow as much as I can and should. Will it hurt? Golly, it hurts my stomach already just thinking about a conversation I have to have soon.

I'll let you know how it goes.

What does the gospel promise?

We had dinner last night with some friends, including a couple who don't share our faith. At one point, I mentioned something I read in Yancey's Reaching for the Invisible God: the good news that I'm already forgiven and that I will one day be made perfect.

This caught the ear of the non-Christian husband, who asked me to explain about being made perfect, and for a brief second I wished I'd been reviewing my Scriptures more frequently. I came up immediately with Philippians 1:6, the one about how the one who began working in "you" (which I take to include me) will complete it. As I was talking, verses from Romans 8 came to mind -- those ones that talk about how those he foreknew he predestined to be conformed to the image of his son, i.e., predestined to become like Jesus (how's that for good news?) and how God will use everything to accomplish that goal. I explained about how I want to be a better person, kinder, more patient, courageous, tolerant, gentle, etc., and how there is this huge gap, but God has promised....

The Christian husband reinforced this, mentioning that whatever God starts, he's obviously going to complete (an intuitively appealing concept), and pretty soon offered to lend a copy of Wright's Simply Christian... which was accepted.

I was recounting this to the younger teen, and I remembered a passage from 1 Thessalonians 5 -- may your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of the Lord Jesus; he who calls you is faithful and he will do it. Yes!

Oddly enough, contrary to what I sometimes hear about, there is no guarantee that God will give us tons of money, a big house, or a fancy car. But all that stuff, versus becoming the kind of person that God wants me to be? No contest!

Joy Day / Happy Sunday

That's today. What's a Sabbath supposed to be about? I've heard or read a bunch of different concepts: to be silent and think only about God; not to drive anywhere or turn on the lights or cook; to do things that bring joy. Here's what Isaiah says:

If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the Lord's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
then you will find your joy in the Lord,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.

Isaiah 58:13-14

So I think I'm doing part of that, but certainly not all. If I were in the desert during those forty years, I would certainly be stoned, but we're not living back then; as Paul says, One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. (Romans 14:5). Here's my Sunday:

• Went to church last night, and heard John's excellent (if pre-recorded) sermon, "It all goes back in the box" (I think he has a book of the same title... yep). So I don't actually have to go out of the house at all this morning in order to have heard a sermon this weekend, or worship with my brothers and sisters in Christ.
• In what I hope isn't excessive vanity, I looked at the November lineup from my essay collection and found this essay (not a bad one IMO), which reminded me of some important things and made me feel happy.
• Friends are coming for lunch to help me celebrate my birthday. I turned 33 (hex), and I enjoyed preparing the food. In a few minutes I'll throw my marinated beef onto the Weber -- it'll take some time to cook, because it's cut into such small pieces.
• I opened a bottle of French wine, about 7 years old. Very nice stuff.
• and yes, we do have a jar of kim chee (that's how we spelled it when I was growing up in Hawaii)

So there has already been some joy today, thinking about the love of Jesus, the pleasure of friends' company, and sensual delights to come. I'm not sure how this matches with what Isaiah said about the sabbath (particularly the part about going my own way), but a joy and a delight? I think yes to that part.

Now it can be told: mouse removal

I wrote about mice the other day. The lovely Carol sent a hardcopy note to the elder teen, forbidding the rest of us from divulging the details. Like a spoiler. Well, the note arrived so there is no danger of spoilage. Hence the title of today's post.

So the mouse jumped out of the trap and disappeared into the pantry. Furious, I determined to find this thing and suck it into the vacuum cleaner. I pulled one thing after another from the pantry. No mouse! Then I spied a roll of shelf paper. I wondered if, inside the roll... sho'nuff, a pair of eyes looking out at me! The end of the roll met the end of the vacuum cleaner hose. I left it there for maybe 20-30 seconds (I did not want to be fooled again). When I inspected the roll afterward, ther was no mouse.

I turned off the vacuum cleaner and very quickly put it outside, with the door closed. I found my shoes and carried the canister across the street, figuring the rodent could take a trip into the storm drain or whatever. Opening it, I found a pile of household dust, obscuring what looked like a dead mouse. Well, I consoled myself with the thought that it had probably happened quickly. I emptied the vacuum cleaner into a sturdy plastic bag (which formerly held redwood compost or something). I put it into the trash can after ensuring that the mouse was truly dead.

What a relief!

i love it when technology works

A few minutes ago, the younger teen called me on the cellphone. In-network calling is "free" (i.e., included), so she was using her cellphone rather than the landline. Anyway, internet (both desktop and wifi) were failing at home. I described to her how to cycle power on the DSL modem and the switch/router/firewall.

This just came:

To: Collin Park 
Subject: it worked!
Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2007 15:23:51 -0700

thanks! :)

are mice evil? flix

So the week of 9/9 we had a fantastic week. I picked up two grad students from the airport (SFO) and gave them a lift to grad-student housing. We had a great conversation on the way -- time management and work/life balance, what do people do at church (and why), where people go when they die (these guys asked GREAT questions!), this sort of thing.

Carol invited a new friend to go hiking with her, and on their drive they had a great conversation, where this new friend asked Jesus into her heart.

This sort of thing does not happen very often with us, so it was very exciting. But another thing happened that week: mouse problems! What a distraction! Wire mesh and concrete mix and plywood, poisons and traps were involved. We trapped one mouse in one of those no-kill traps, after much fuss and bother (mouse had gotten into all kinds of stuff). At that time we thought the mouse was some sort of spiritual interference. Don't laugh! The Egyptian sorcerers could do all kinds of tricks (Exodus 7:11-12 for example).

Things were quiet for a while, but we weren't sure the mice were completely gone. Then on Saturday (i.e., yesterday) we drove to Santa Cruz and met Peggy and some of the international students (all from China as it turns out). We enjoyed our time, and Carol found out that one of them had already invited Jesus into her heart. How cool is that?

You'll never guess what happened Sunday morning -- or maybe you already have. Yep, Carol found a mouse in the pantry! A messenger of Satan, or maybe just a coincidence. Anyway I set a trap for it -- the no-kill kind, and we went to church. A few hours later, I looked in the pantry, and the trap appeared to have sprung. Was there a mouse inside? I picked the trap up, and probably because of the way I was holding it, the accursed thing opened up! I saw the mouse inside, but before I could close it again, the thing sprang out of the trap and back into the pantry. Furious, I tracked it down and killed it; I will tell you how later.

Films!

Meanwhile, the lovely Carol had asked me on Friday to pick up a DVD titled "Love Comes Softly," which was supposedly waiting for me at the desk. I went up to said desk, and... no joy. Well, I wandered around a bit and saw one titled "Sliding Doors" -- Gwyneth Paltrow. The description reminded me of "Run Lola Run," a film I'd heard about years ago but had never seen. So I found that one, and picked it up, and the Paltrow one, and headed out of Blockbuster.

Then I noticed another Blockbuster employee heading back to the store. "Are you returning from break... been working since 3?" Yes he was. He helped me track down the DVD of desire, which was buried under some miscellaneous papers or something. Friday night we watched it. Halmi (Is he the guy behind the recent remake of "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"?) was involved in the production of Love Comes Softly, which had spotty dialogue and some fantastic (as in "this is fantasy") scenes. Like moments after a baby is born, the new mother looks like she's had a shower and already powdered her face. The baby shows absolutely no interest in nursing.

But it doesn't take much imagination to empathize with the depths of grief and the magnitude of risks taken by some of these pioneer folks. My rating: 2½ stars. 'Cause it's true; love can come softly rather than with fireworks, and that doesn't make it any less real or powerful.

We saw "Run Lola Run" last night. It was very entertaining, and asked some interesting questions. The original is apparently German; I switched the soundtrack to English and also turned on the English subtitles. The dubbing was fine and not distracting. But the dubbed dialogue often didn't match the subtitles. This movie is definitely not for the pre-teen set. I'll give this one 3 stars. Its message is less clear and not as obviously edifying, but the dialogue was IMO way less hokey. The plot is ingenious, and it has a happy ending.

There was another movie I wanted to tell you about... oh yeah -- Two Days in Paris, which we saw last week. For the first half-hour or so I kept banging my head against the wall, because the boyfriend was such an awful character. But Julie Delpy's character's point at the end was I thought worthwhile: though someone may annoy you some % of the time, that is not a reason to split up; there is another % of the time that's irreplaceable. I didn't say that right, but you get the idea. So, although this clown was annoying in the extreme (maybe 60% of the time, says Julie's character), if they were to split up, she would miss the 40% of the time that she really really likes being around him. Apparently Delpy's real-life parents play her parents in the film. The photography in Paris is fun. It's an artsy kind of film.

That said, the flick has those truly annoying parts, so I give it ½ stars.

Basking in God's Love; Adventure

A couple of points from recent sermons have hit me in an unusual way, and I wanted to comment on them.

First, from the 9/9 sermon, the idea of loving God, and rejoicing, basking in the love he has for me. This is not the direction that my mind naturally tends to go, partly of course because of Satan. But to help with this concept, this picture was offered:

When I was in high school, a friend of mine told me about a girl who, my friend said, liked me. And I could not believe it, because I knew this girl, and she was way out of my league. You know what it is when someone is way out of your league? She was way out of my league. And I said, "This can't be true."

And my friend said, "It is true." My friend said, "I don't understand it either, but it's true."

And that night, my mind just kept delighting in this thought: "She likes me." I just couldn't stop my mind from going there; it just went there and delighted in it. She liked me. And the next day, although I could hardly believe it was true, I called her up and asked her out. And it turned out it wasn't true. But I had one really good night, just thinking about it, okay?

This is a great picture. The point, of course, is that God is way out of my league; I'm in the Sinner league, and he's in the Perfection league; how many huge steps below God are people like me?

But it doesn't help me much with rejoicing in God's love. And why not? Because God's love isn't scarce; it's not rare. In one sense, God's love is astonishing; in another, it's expected! (Does not the Bible say, "God is love"?) So that picture doesn't help me a lot to appreciate God's love. Here is something that is just a bit more helpful for me: the idea of being his workmanship, and of pleasing him.

One of my favorite passages talks about pleasing him:

we pray that God will fill you with the knowledge of his will... in order that you

• may live a life worthy of the Lord and
• may please him in every way,
  • bearing fruit in every good work,
  • growing in the knowledge of God,
  • being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might, in order that you may have great endurance and patience, and
  • joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you (us?) to share in the inheritance of the saints....

from Colossians 1
(bullets added)

Another passage that talks about pleasing God is this one:

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for he who comes to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of those who seek him.

from Hebrews 11

And then there is this one:

we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared for us beforehand, that we should walk in them.

from Ephesians 2

Maybe other people like the illustration of the girl who's way out of my league, but these passages here are more helpful to me.

I'll bet part of it is because when I make something, typically some software, if I do a good job on it, then it pleases me. So the idea of being God's workmanship, and of pleasing God, is something I can identify with to some extent. (We are created in his image, right?) Now part of what pleases me about stuff that I build well is that it behaves as it's supposed to. From this I extrapolate the idea that part of pleasing God is doing certain kinds of things:

• bearing fruit (having a life with meaning) in every good work
• growing in the knowledge of God
• being strengthened ... to have endurance and patience
• joyfully giving thanks
• trust God to reward us
• do the good things God prepared for us

And though part of me says, "No, no, no; it's not what we do that matters--because we are saved by grace through faith, not by deeds," yet I also know that Jesus talks about the kingdom of God in terms of actions: "You have been faithful with little, you will be entrusted with much; come, enter into the joy of your master." Right? And doesn't Paul pray God's blessing on us for every act prompted by your faith (2 Thessalonians 1)?

The second point

The 9/16 sermon talked about the idea of adventure. "God will give us as much adventure as we are open to receiving," but when I heard that I must confess that I thought, "Bleah."

I don't think I'm the only one profoundly uninterested in adventure, at least at some times on some days. There are just so many things to do -- some of them good things to do to be a blessing to others (giving blood for example, or inviting new people over for dinner, or going to some large-group event to help them feel welcomed into the church community), not to mention just keeping the balls in the air -- home and auto maintenance for example, periodic physicals, dental check-ups, eye exams, exercise.

What's the way out? One thing is, we need to be reminded of Dallas Willard's admonition to carve out a satisfying life... so that sin won't look so good. And just remembering that may not be enough; some of us (some of me?) need instruction on how to do that. Cut out the TV? I think the DVD I watch with my wife and daughter once or twice a month isn't what's killing me. We had a sermon on this some months back, and perhaps I ought to practice that more. Like taking time more frequently (daily?) to reflect on God's goodness. Making a list, maybe, of blessings?

• Good sleep.
• A kiss from the lovely Carol while still in bed.
• A phone call from the elder teen this morning.
• Brown sugar to put in my oatmeal.
• A vehicle that works.
• Pleasant chat with the younger teen en route to school.
• Monthly train pass.
• Sunshine this morning while waiting for the train.
• Free jacket (!) from the office (the red fleece with the "Anchor Steam" logo, because it's cool outside.
• But not too cold.
• A folding umbrella for the possible showers this afternoon.
• Pleasant relationships with colleagues and my boss.
• Mostly nearly on-time rail transit.
• Leftovers to take for lunch.

Well, maybe that's enough for now.

Adventure!

I started writing this a few days ago, and last night I saw some missionary friends in Mountain View, where I heard about some of their current adventures. Some amazing things are happening in the mideast, even at this very desperate point in history. There's an attorney, grieved at the sectarian violence in his country; he recruits young people from the 15 or so ethnic/religious groups in the country, forms them into a team to lead youth camps, and then persuades parents from various groups to send their children to these youth camps. These missionary friends are working to help him manage growth, even as a third of his team emigrated (everyone who can get out does get out because of the desperate security/economic situation).

There's a medical doctor in another country, who "made it" in the US but returned to help her people. Finding two problems--a shortage of hospice care (and assisted living facilities), and high unemployment--she started an organization to train unemployed/unemployable youth in cooking, mobility assistance, feeding etc. She's addressing both problems at once! This movement has caught on, and these missionary friends are working with her team to preserve the culture (sharing Christ's love even as very practical needs are being met) she's developed so far as the organization expands into other cities.

These friends are living the adventure, a life which is attractive and yet strikes me as an obvious mismatch for me. A paradox? On one hand, to feel on the brink of disaster--where if God doesn't come through for me I'm in really big trouble--that would tend to focus and invigorate me. For a little while, anyway. After that, it would not really work for me. At least that's what I think now.

Yet I've often been very glad I did something, though I'd initially meant to skip it.